Month: July 2014

Floating On

So the other day while getting ready for work a song I listened to all the time in high school came on my Pandora Station (Rooney Station)…”Float On” by Modest Mouse. Ever since then, I cannot get it out of my head (but why would I? It was, and still is, an amazing song!). It is such a simple message but one that can be hard to understand: that everything will be OK.

Bad things will happen to us. We are not perfect, the world is not perfect. But, we will get through it….we float on. We float on and are OK. The stream takes us to our next point and we take the previous experience and apply our lessons learned from it to the next event.

In my yoga books I am reading for my RYT, they talk extensively about letting things go. That the way to attain enlightenment, find your true purpose, learn who you are, is to take things that happen to you and realize that it isn’t the end of the world. You have two options: 1) let it get you down, take it as an offense to who you are, dwell and live life miserably. 2) acknowledge it, smile, and move on through life here on earth. The first will undoubtedly make life miserable and the second gives you joy and health.

Modest Mouse had it right just float on. Nothing is the end. You will be ok.

And we’ll all float on alright
Already we’ll all float on alright
Don’t worry even if things end up a bit too heavy
We’ll all float on alright
Already we’ll all float on alright
Already we’ll all float on OK
Don’t worry we’ll all float on
Even if things get heavy we’ll all float on alright
Already we’ll all float on alright
Don’t you worry we’ll all float on alright
All float on

I ate today…

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Without a doubt, the hardest thing about recovery is eating. Well learning to be self-confident and love your self is hard, but eating is tough. Especially when you have had a rough day and the LAST thing you want to do is sit down to a meal. Yet, at the same time it is a sign of progress when you say,”I had a rough day” or “It has been stressful”…”but I ate.”

I find myself saying that A LOT! In therapy I say,”It has be a rough few days but, I keep eating meals.” Even if it isn’t a meal, but a snack or something to put in my stomach I am doing recovery work. For some odd reason by saying that, and not restricting, it makes me feel as if I am not relapsing. I may be not so strong in other areas but I am not coping with food restriction.

I have also discovered in my two years of ED recovery that actually my mood, stress level, and Melvin talk, increases when I don’t eat. I feel WORSE! Restricting doesn’t make me feel good or in control (what lies the ED, in my case, Melvin, tells us!). It makes me insane like streaking around a heavily congested area and then free jump off a cliff or it makes me like a bull running wild.

So eating is very important. The food will fuel our brains to help us see past the insanity and give us strength to fuel the fight against our ED. And hopefully the food we choose to eat will taste good in the process so we can eat mindfully and enjoy each and every morsel.

If you are going through a tough day, a rough patch, or feeling like you need to restrict and it is meal time…don’t give in. Find your favorite food, or even a safe food, sit down and eat. You will be glad you did (honestly you will, even if your ED won’t be).

So I am not crazy? I just feel everything, everyone, and everything?!

O the journey of self-discovery. I swear everyday I am learning new things about myself and understanding why I am the way I am. I guess that is one of the things you are suppose to do in recovery right? Also as human beings I believe we never stop growing, learning, and discovering things about ourselves and others. We are complicated characters. There are so many facets to us, do you really think God would let us know everything about our inner being at once? That might be too much to handle. So I believe that is why he leaves little trinkets, treasures, and hints along our path and when the time comes…BAM he hits us with some truth and we are think to ourselves or say out loud, “I am not crazy?” or “So that is why I do *insert a such and such*” etc…

This occurrence just happened to me. Over the past few months I have had people say to me that I am an empath or partially empath. I researched it a little bit, it sounded like me, but I never gave it much thought till my first acupuncture appointment last week. My acupuncturist said I was a fire (Chinese medicine element) but I am an empath and that probably makes for a very interesting daily life. She was right! It does. So I get home and I research more and more about empathy and being an empath. WOW, if it doesn’t hit the nail on the head. Here was my “so I am not crazy?” moment. As I was reading the trait list lightbulbs in my head were flashing off. I was checking yes on my check list. Such a relief was taken from me, knowing that my weird idiosyncrasies were in fact not weird but a part of me that I hadn’t fully yet discovered.  I am hoping that now that I have discovered this I can learn more about it, develop this gift, and it help propel me to the next phase of my recovery.

Here is an article from themindunleashed.org, I am going to pull the ones that pertain to me….check out the full article here: http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

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1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.

2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums where there are lots of people around can fill the empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.

3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for empaths. To some they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from great distance. 

4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.

5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know

7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an empath, will almost always be ungrounded.

8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an empath’s attention and compassion.

9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.

11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions that empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It is a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something.

12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many empaths would love to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.

13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.

14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.

15. Need for solitude: An empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.

16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.

17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many empaths get labelled as being lazy.

18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.

19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.

20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.

22. Loves to daydream: An empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.

25. Excellent listener: An empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.

26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.

27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.

30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.

Some other quotes that describe me:

“Empaths frequently experience déjà vu and synchronicities”

“Empaths are daydreamers with difficulty keeping focused on the mundane. If life isn’t stimulating, off an empath will go into a detached state of mind. They will go somewhere, anywhere, in a thought that appears detached from the physical reality, yet is alive and active for they really are off and away. If a tutor is lecturing with little to no emotional input, empaths will not be receptive to such teaching and can (unintentionally) drift into a state of daydreaming.”

“Many empaths don’t understand what is occurring within them. They literally have no idea that another person’s emotions are now felt, as one’s own and reflected outwardly. They are confused as to how one moment all was well, and then the next, they feel so depressed, alone, etc.”

“They are just as expressive with body language as with words, thoughts, and feelings. Their creativity is often expressed through dance, acting, and bodily movements”

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Are you an empath? Do you know someone who is an empath? If you are an empath, please share with me some of your experiences, tips, and thoughts.

 

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