This weekend was another emotionally taxing weekend at yoga teacher training. After last sessions anxiety attack I didn’t think it could get much worse. O was I wrong! This past weekend it was all about stripping down, tearing down our outside, being our own witness and looking deep within. This stuff always makes me uncomfortable (be it therapy or yoga) and I always fidget and avoid, avoid, avoid. I have very high walls around my heart and inner soul that I really don’t like to be torn down because I hate feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability makes me feel out of control and I HATE LOSING CONTROL. I know I still, even in therapy, have not fully let go. A part of me just cannot let go of the hurt, self-deprecating, and negative emotions. It is comforting to me even though I know that that statement is a lie. I have such a hard time letting people truly see me and letting control, maybe it is because I don’t know who I truly am. That is one reason why I am embarking on this yoga journey, that I can clear up the fog in the mirror and look deep into my own eyes and not be afraid of what I see.
This weekend we did a meditative practice(that I did not hate), that really moved me. It spoke to me in a deep way that got me into my body in a good way. When my yoga mama read it, I knew that I had to share this with my fellow ED recoverers and strugglers. Please read this slowly, meditate on the words and see what this stirs up inside of you….
Who am I? Meditation by Sri Ramana Maharshi
I have a body, but I am not my body. I can see and feel my body, and what can be seen and felt is not the true Seer. My body may be tired or excited, sick or healthy, heavy or light, anxious or calm, but that has nothing to do with my inward I, the Witness. I have a body, but I am not my body.
I have desires, but I am not my desires. I can know my desires, and what can be known is not the true Knower. Desires come and go, floating through my awareness, but they do not affect my inward I, the Witness. I have desires, but I am not my desires.
I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. I can feel and sense my emotions, and what can be felt and sensed is not the true Feeler. Emotions pass through me, but they do not affect my inward I, the Witness. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions.
I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. I can see and know my thoughts, and what can be known is not the true Knower. Thoughts come to me and thoughts leave me, but they do not affect my inward I, the Witness. I have thoughts but I am not my thoughts.
I am what remains, a pure center of awareness, an unmoved Witness of all these thoughts, emotions, feelings, and sensations.
Peace and Namaste.