there’s no crying in yoga! or is there?-The Time I Almost Cried in Savasana

Let’s start of with a few terms shall we?

kripaa/kripa: sanskrit for “grace”, but can also be used for “deep love”, “mercy”, “divine grace”

rainbow: a covenant from God promising us that he won’t flood the Earth again, also a symbol of hope

support: to hold up, bearing weight

savasana: the last pose of all yoga classes, where you lay on back, total rest/ultimate relaxation. Also known as corpse pose, because yogi’s imitate a dead body because once the spirit has left the body all motion stops

~~~~

I am an emotional, passionate, Fire element individual. Yet, don’t ask me to show you my emotions in public. I do not cry in front of people, I do not let go, I am not vulnerable (I have written about this a few times before). I am very guarded but slowly, ever so slowly,  my walls are breaking down.As an empath I feel a lot of emotion and sometimes it is overwhelming. I begin to feel someone else’s pain or tears and my viscera starts to turn and swell. I want to be there with them….BUT that means I would have to share that with others, GASP, I might cry in front of people. No thank you. I hear my peers talk about crying in savasana, they cry in check out, some just cry at the drop of a hat. Frankly it is annoying. I sit there in the circle and think, “Give me a break! Why don’t you suck it up? I have depression, an ED, GAD, and going through a huge transition in life and you don’t see me cry”.  Then Patanjali’s 8 Limbs and Jesus enters in and shows me that this is not very Christian, and it also violates ahimsa (non-harming). Instead of me putting my projections on others (something I am trying to work on), maybe they are in the right. Maybe it is me who has a problem. Maybe I need to let it out. Let the tears flow. Give up being strong for a brief moment, and be held…..

Being held….that takes me to my latest RYT experience.

Sunday we were blessed to have the amazing Joe Taft for the day. I have never had him before, but from the moment he walked in Mountain Yoga, I knew he would be an amazing spirit and teacher for my peers and myself. After a two hour lecture, he lead us in a masterclass that was open to the public. So all my yoga mentors and my yoga peers were all gathered in one room. The energy was electric, and there was support. All of us yogini’s were there for the other. We were there for the other on our right, on our left, in front of us, and behind us. Joe then preceded to tell us an amazing story of one of his clients and how he found yoga not on a mat but through a rainbow, to be more specific, a double rainbow. We were then guided through the intention of finding the rainbow. Making our bodies a double rainbow by arching the front of our torso and arching our back torso. We were also led to feel the support of that rainbow and the support of whatever we believe in (be it God, nature, other spiritual aspect). All through the class we were constantly brought back to that, especially in the hardest of poses. Which correlates to when we are in the most difficult of times we need to find that rainbow, find that support (for me it is Jesus, his grace, and my husband). ***I always love the moments I meet Jesus on my mat, and when yoga and Christianity just intersect together***

Asana after asana, flow after flow, cosmic surfer after cosmic surfer, we started to cool it down. Take the breath back in and find our way into our savasana. As myself and my fellow practitioners are lying there in savasana Joe talks about kripaa/kripa. Joe describes the feeling of being held by something that is greater than ourselves, what he likes to call the universal (for me, again, that is Jesus).  All of a sudden I am surrounded by Jesus’ grace, I can fill his mercy and lovingkindness. I am full. I begin to pray, as I always do in savasana, thanking God for his grace and this feeling that is pouring out through my heart, and then…..I begin to fill my tear duct swell. Tears? Tears in public? It can’t be!?  Instead of hiding from it fully, or avoiding like I usually do, I decided to just be there with that sensation. What it feels like to almost cry in public. Just what it feels like to have those tear ducts swell and the face start to get hot and melty. I didn’t cry out loud, but it definitely was a great experience to almost have it. And honestly, if I would have cried out loud, I don’t think I would’ve been embarrassed. Why? Because I could then share the love of God and his grace and how it can, as a song says, be an ocean and sink us.

As I sit here today writing this entry I still feel that grace supporting me. That grace, that mercy, that kripaa/kripa, holding me. I look for that rainbow. When I start to feel down I just imagine being in a sea kripaa/kripa. My hope for you today is that you look for that rainbow. Look for that universal thing that is bigger than you and let your universal guide you through your day and hopefully you can experience being held by it or by sinking in an ocean full of kripaa/kripa.

Namaste and God Bless.

O and thank you Joe Taft for opening my heart center.

 

o-IYENGAR-570

 

 

sources:

Merriam-Webster

spoken sanskrit

http://www.isca-apologetics.org/sites/default/files/papers/Jared%20Martinez/Corduan-WordsForGraceInHinduism.pdf,

Light On Yoga

the Holy Bible

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