Today marks 2 years of married life. It seems like much longer, probably because the hubs and I will be coming up on 5 years of being together in March. So much has happened to us within these 5 years/2 years of marriage that it has been a wild ride. In the course of these two years we have: birthed a furbaby (love our Winston!), found a church home, moved to a new location, fought, love each other, sit in therapy, continue to support each other, develop better forms of communication, battle my ED together, and better yet: see some of our best friends get married.
I am not going to be one of these wives who say that marriage is great, lovely, filled with unicorns and daisies. In fact, when I got engaged most people told me that marriage is not that but this: work, hard work, tiring, a new way of life. They were and still are right. All of this reminds me of our wedding. We did this activity called Keys to a Happy Marriage. We had our guests write advice on antique keys and put them on a key tree. Here is some of the advice that was written: never go to bed angry (this was over 50% of the keys, and very very important), when you can’t agree on an answer pray because God will always find the answer that is best for you two, always think of the other, always remember “Yes Dear” (we got multiple of those too), happy wife happy life, listen and understand each others needs, put the Lord first, each for the other both for Christ, have a date night once a week, keep it naughty, if you aren’t first you’re last (epic I know!), anything worth having takes time, don’t stop believing (don’t we have great friends?), cook dinner together, pick and choose your battles, a cookie makes things right as rain (again, epic friends), practice patience, hold hands, practice forgiveness.
Here we are two years into marriage and we have gotten angry before bed but we talked about it before we went to bed even though it made us uncomfortable (we both hate being vulnerable). We continually believe in our marriage, and we do cook dinner together (even though we aren’t compatible in the kitchen). We may not always pick and choose our battles but we do eat cookies and drink wine together. We are still learning to be patient with one another which is difficult because that is not both of our strong suits. I am learning to keep it naughty (hah!), and I am learning to trust that Jeremy will not lead me the wrong way. Everyday I practice giving up control, well loosening the reigns, and learning that I can’t always be in control. I pray for our marriage, I pray for Jeremy. I pray when things are right, when things go wrong, when I don’t know what to do.
All of this brings me back to what we made our vows about….being one another helpers. From the very very beginning we helped one another. Jeremy helped me get the strength I needed to go into recovery. He supports my choices, and gives me the encouragement to face my fears and to be the best version of myself. I help him from being too serious all the time and help him let loose. Jeremy has taught me about communication, beer, and scotch. I have taught him about dance, yoga, and Reiki (hehehe).
Here is our Scripture/Sermon from our Wedding:
From the very beginning God created men and women to be each other’s helpers; it is not good for either one to go through life alone. As it is written in the second chapter of Genesis, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and to keep it…Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord Go caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” The man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
When the two become one, a new life starts. The couple can then begin to help one another. When this holy union is formed, the two joined are strengthened. This is God’s Will . Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 states, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.”
Jeremy and Leslie, from the moment you say your vows and exchange rings, you become each other’s helper. You will help the other succeed. You will help lift them up when they fail or praise them when they are blessed. When the other is attacked, you will defend. By clinging to God and sharing the bond of holy matrimony, your bond will not be broken.