Vulnerability

Vulnerability: susceptible to attack or harm either emotionally or physically…capable of being wounded or hurt….

This is without a doubt the hardest thing for me. I have always avoided being vulnerable, be it with my emotions/letting people in/trusting of others/letting people see who I am. I have such high walls and must always be perfect that I rarely showcase the entire me. This more than likely comes from being an open book in my early early days and people taking advantage of that, my fear of rejection, and because I have to be perfect. I feel as if I have this standard to maintain and opening up can ruin what I have worked so hard to attain. After some therapy sessions  I know that being vulnerable will not ruin my appearance or presentation, but if anything help enhance it and let people know me. People may not see that I have this problem because I am passionate about EVERYTHING! I am easily excitable, but if you look past that, do you ever see me open up truly? Through the past few therapy sessions we have come to the conclusion that this is where I am: I am ready to be fully vulnerable and open up but it scares me and that is why I can’t jump off the vulnerable mountain top yet.  Which I have now realized, especially in my yoga teacher training weekends, I am opening up more and more without even noticing it. And guess what…my peers are accepting and don’t think anything about my struggle with anxiety, depression, and body image…if anything it has made a few come to me and I feel as if I am more into the group of future teacher trainers now than I was before…

My therapist then proceeded to have me watch the following TED Talk (which I ADORE them!). I wanted to share this with you in case you struggle with vulnerability or just to gain more insight on how powerful vulnerability can be. Or you can watch this because Brene Brown is just hilarious. The choice is yours….

Looking Up

I love it when church ties in with either yoga or mental illness/recovery. Church and Jesus Christ has played a big role in recovery via the 12 Steps and coming back to Christ, trusting him more completely. Knowing that he sustains me and I can overcome with his helps….which is a great tie in to the topic for today.

In service this morning Pastor Tony led us in a sermon called, The One Who Lifts My Head.  The scripture was Psalm 3:1-6:

A Psalm of David, regarding the time David fled from his son Absalom…

O Lord, I have so many enemies; so many are against me. So many are saying, “God will never rescue him”. But you, O Lord (Jehovah), are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. I cried out to the Lord (Jehovah), and he answered me from his holy mountain. I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me (sustained me). I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies who surrounded me on every side. (NLT)

Pastor Tony then went on to discuss his own time of being lost. Almost burnt out and didn’t know if he could be a preacher. But while on his lawn mower one day he spoke out to God and this came over him. That God will sustain him, keep his promise, and lift his head high.We each all go through trials, as he said today: “If you aren’t going through one you are getting ready to go through one. Jesus loves us too much not to put us through a trial.” While we go through these trials it is important to cry out to God and ask him to lift our head. He can and he will. He lifts our head up and watches over us or in some translations it says sustain us. He is our strength, rock, strong tower.

One of the most moving parts was that he listed all these things one can go through and he mentioned depression. Most of the time mental illness is skirted in the church so it was great he mentioned depression. These verses are wonderful for those who are depressed. Depression is hard, you really can’t lift your head high. You think the worst. Nothing fuels you, nothing sustains you. While you may feel that, or your body can’t do anything but lay in bed, God can do it all. We just have to rely on him and let him wrap us in his glory while shielding us from our inner selves. With his power and faithfulness we won’t be afraid of the enemies that are surrounding us.

True, this is easier said than done. I know some of you all are thinking that. But that is why we constantly turn ourselves over to him (a huge base of the 12 steps).  It is that humbling, that earnest longing to be able to lift our head, that longing for life, that gives us the determination and the ability to be like the David in this Psalm and ask God to sustain us.

I ask you this week to meditate on this Psalm. See what comes up when you meditate. If you practice yoga, make this your intention. Pray it.

Lift your head high, because no one wants to see your forehead, we all want to see your beautiful face.